and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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