Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
