Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
