how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
