My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
