Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
