I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
