She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
