why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
