I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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