our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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