Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
