No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
