I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
