I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize