get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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