i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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