things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
