I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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