that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
a search helicopter?!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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