I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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