I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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