1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize