I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So much rum. So many feels.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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