dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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