great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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