I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
