he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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