community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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