I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
