How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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