I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
