so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
