Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
