Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
