mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
