Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
