why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
