Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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