when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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