Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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