As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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