I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
