Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
