Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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