My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize