And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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