I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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