i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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