DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
