The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you had me at cake vodka
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
