My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
