woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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