I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
