He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize