so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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