if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
