Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
