i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
