How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
