When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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