Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
