my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont even know how to be here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
