he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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