Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
