Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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