Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
