Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
