I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
