And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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