he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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