I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
