I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
