It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
